My Brother's Keeper
by emsana
Summary: Will eventually be Percy Weasley / Oliver Wood with any luck. Fred and George Weasley speculate as to their brother's relationship with their Keeper in letters to Charlie.
1. Chapter 1

My Brother's Keeper

AN: Just playing in J.K.'s sandbox. This I worked around the pun above and I thought might be a nice idea.

Easier to read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 68918 . html

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**Hogwarts, October 1991**

Dear Charlie,

Hallo! It's us, your favourite siblings, and the best beaters you ever had! How're the dragons? We --we bored-- had a spare minute and thought we might write and let you know how things are back here at good old Hoggies'.

First off, you'll never guess who started this year with our ikle Ronnie? Only Harry Potter! Yup, that one, the "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named wonder boy" himself. Ron seems to have become rather chummy with him. Don't worry – it gets better. He's our new Seeker! He's --even better-- almost as good as you... he'll need some training of course (don't worry, we'll take care of that) but it looks like we might even be in for a chance at the Cup this year – it's about time too to be honest (not that we are!) and it'll be nice to wipe those smug smirks of Slytherin's face. While we're on the topic... how much do you know about Wood? --Only the other day-- Just asking.

Right. We've got to go and --see to Filch-- do our homework. Yes, we have lots of homework. If Mum writes (which she will – she wouldn't stop going on about you, and your lack of girlfriend on the ride to King's Cross: beware ) tell her how much homework we're getting. And how much work we're doing. --And that we're in line to be the next Prefects. She'll believe it from you-- Just, yeah.

Anyway, take care, don't catch fire,

Fred and George

P.S. --Percy is-- --You should really-- --We think-- There's something wrong with Percy.

-

**Not particularly near Bistriţa, October 1991**

Dear Fred and George,

I can only assume that this sudden taking to pen and paper on your behalfs means that you wish to interrogate me. You both need to learn how to write tactfully. Or at least buy a decent ink eraser.

So, Harry Potter's the new Gryffindor Seeker? Must take after his father. Glad to hear you're finally getting your acts together about the Cup at last. You're right – it's taken you bloody long enough; poor Wood must be driving himself spare. One that note: what do you mean "how much to you know about Wood"?! You're the ones that live in the same castle as him. Merlin's Beard, I'm not a lexicon for you to investigate your team members. What ever you want to know either ask him or resign yourselves to never knowing because I'm not telling you more than this:

He's a great Keeper – best I've ever had. --Unfortunately he has no taste in Beaters, otherwise I'd say-- (Shut up; I can barely afford parchment, nevermind extravagant stationary.) He's an excellent Captain. He's prone to attempt drowning if a match goes sour.

Thanks for the heads up about Mum. --Tell her she can mind her own business and-- (Alright, I take it back.) I'll be sure to keep what you've said in mind when I get her owl.

Charlie

P.S. - What do you mean there's something wrong with Percy? Is this the general moan or do I need to write to him?

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**Hogwarts, November 1991**

Dear Charlie,

We are very, very tactful. As mischevious persons we are –inproprortionally-- --unquantafilably-- very insulted to hear you say we lack subtlety. You're an ass. Only the other day we managed to light Filch's broom on fire and he never could prove it was us. Not that that stopped him giving us detention though. If it wasn't for him and his cat our lives would be much easier.

We won the first match of the season! --Can you believe it?-- Of course, what more can you expect from such a crack team? Potter almost swallowed the bloody Snitch though which was --terribly-- --amusing-- slightly nerve-racking. Wood was almost in tears so --no harry carry-- good news all round then! We only asked about him because --something weird is going on-- nevermind. What was it you said about Potter's dad?

Ron and Harry still friends... although they seem to have picked up some --smart girl-- clever so and so called Athena or Mercurie or something. Bit odd but we're just glad he's --not following us around like some loner-- found some friends. --Fred has a crush on Angelina and-- --I do not-- --Yes he does-- --Shut up George you're just jealous-- --No I'm not Fred's being a complete-- --Stop it-- --No you stop it-- --I swear if you don't then I'll-- So, dragons eh? Must be good. You always did like the outdoors... yeah.

Um, right, well, that's about it.

Fred and George

P.S. - Well, he's not dead --yet-- but there's definitely something fishy going on. --Only the other day we saw him-- Don't write. We'll keep you posted.

P.P.S. - Never insult our Beating skills again. Ever.

-

**Sort of around Piatra-neamt, November 1991**

Dear Fred and Geogre,

You're realise I have better (and ever so slightly more pressing) things to do then listen to your dire monologues of --ineptitude-- "deception" and "cunning"? I want nothing to do with your misdemeanours --that way Mum can never torture me for information-- because I don't care.

Well done for winning to match; glad to hear it --if for no other reason than to know Wood's still alive.-- You two really need to pay more attention somewhere: James Potter was a god among Chasers. The stories I've heard about that man make me wish I'd taken up Quidditch professionally after all. Fred, why don't you ask Angelina about him? I'm sure she'd be happy to --tell you where to go-- help.

The dragons are fine. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong. Did Mum tell you to ask me? I'm fine, you hear? You tell her I'm fine. Because I am. Fine, I mean. --Though if she wants to send me money she's more than welcome.--

Really must go. We're having a few issues with space down here. Mountains aren't what they used to be when you want to hide several dozen dragons in them. --They aren't paying me enough for this-- We should have gone to Siberia, but then we'd have issues with the Chinese Fireballs – they like warmer temperatures see; poor things would freeze to death the moment we hit Ukraine.

Anyway. If you must bother me again then tell the owl --to follow the smoke-- to head towards the higher peaks as we're seeing to relocate as soon as possible.

Charlie

P.S. - Concerning Percy: what's fishy? Posted on what? Give me a straight answer or I'll tell --him-- Mum about Filch's broom. --Don't push me; I have third degree burns.--


	2. Chapter 2

My Brother's Keeper, Chapter the Second

AN: I make no money out of this... in fact I lose it on library fees. Just to let you know this will develop over time and won't just be prattle and that I may not be able to update as often as I am now in future. Enjoy!

Easier to read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 69214 . html

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**Hogwarts, December 1991**

Dear Charlie,

You know what? You should really keep this twaddle aboutyour --manky-- adorable dragons to yourself. The way you go on about then; it's enough to scare a banshee. --Speaking of which-- We'll let Mum know you're fine... although you'll be able to tell her yourself soon. More on that later.

Alright, alright, so maybe we didn't know about James Potter but we've got the newer model anyway so... since when have you known so much about History anyway? Also, Fred says that, concerning Angelina --you can go and boil your head-- he thanks you for the sentiment but is perfectly capable of finding a Trophy Cabinet all by himself --although he did get lost once on the way.-- Perfectly capable.

Yeah, so, it's already snowing like there's no tomorrow --the weather must be imitating Filch's mood because those dung bombs last week really took it out of him and I hear-- so last Monday McGonagall put us down to stay for the holiday. Guess why? That's right – Mum and Dad are coming to see you for Christmas. Aren't you excited? Aren't you just dying to tell Mum about arm wrestling Horntails and your empty pockets? We'll bet. --Serves you right for insulting our beating skills.--

Alright, onto Perce. The Prefect's looking rather peaky to be honest. I think he's extra duties on top of his school work and sending him into --an early grave-- a frenzy. The other day I George (who feels stupid writing about himself in the third person --that's because he is stupid--) suggested he should eat something and he laughed. He was practically hysterical. Then he became horribly serious when we mentioned that he'd been lucky to see it to the next week, never mind Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff. He looked pretty nervous actually, and asked up when the match was. See, we told you he was ill – since when has Percy ever given two hoots about Quidditch?

We're starting to be sickened by how much we've written voluntarily today. Good luck relocating --how did you know Mum was visiting? unfortunately you'll never relocate anywhere Mum won't find you-- and try not to lost any limbs before the folks get there.

--George and Fred-- Fred and George

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**Merlin knows where, December 1991**

Dear Fred and George,

Did you put Mum up to this? Is so, all I can say is: why? I got her owl the day after yours and have been --panicking-- preparing ever since. --Know any good concealing spells?- Not that I'm worried or have anything to hide. And keep your noses out of my accounting. I am perfectly --fluid-- --liquidized-- solvent. Taking into account your --blasphemous-- --crass-- critical comments about me and my --babies-- dragons – who are you to talk when you appear to be stalking not only your brother, but your Keeper (and current Captain) as well? Put that in your pipe and smoke it. --Speaking of smoke--

How do I know some much about History? I did actually do some more at school, and I was a Prefect as well --not that I'm lauding it over you or anything-- so I picked up the odd thing here or there. And, like I said, Potter Snr. was a legend; try doing some reading.. --You remember reading right?-- You never know, you might even learn something.

That does sound a little unlike Percy. Although I'd have thought you'd be glad to see him --lightening up-- taking an interest. Why not just give him a break from the crap pranks you usually dish out for a change. You never know, you may just put off his inevitable aneurism for another year.

To be honest, I was sickened by --what-- how much you wrote last time. Take it easy guys, you might sprain something. Mum and Dad get here tomorrow so I'll --go and try and hide the find some clean clothes-- leave you to ruin Christmas for everyone else at your end. Merry New Year and all that while I'm at it.

Charlie

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**Hogwarts, January 1992**

Dear Charlie

Hope this finds you --alive-- well, and that you enjoyed Christmas with Mum and Dad (and Ginny? We presume she went too, I mean --we'd have left her behind but-- she can't have had much better to be doing.).

We were so insulted by your comments about out --intelligible-- intellect and suggestions concerning our --moronic-- dear brother, and --slave driver of a-- noble Captain that we were temtped not to enclose the following information but --we're too bored not to-- --it's too good not to tell-- we're feeling in a kindly spirit what with all the recent festivities. I'm telling you, Christmas here really went off with a bang --literally-- thanks to us. We got some more --gaudy-- fantastic jumpers this year that are sure to --burn nicely-- go well with our collection. We even managed to get Perce to wear his... he even sat with us for dinner on the big day – although he nearly lost a tooth during the pudding and spent the whole time looking --miserable as sin-- rather distracted.

Talking of --grim sods-- Fifth years, Wood's been --in a foul mood-- rather preoccupied with training since he got back from --wherever the hell he lives-- his rest and recuperation. He's been pushing us like mad and we can't really blame him because we found out the other day that Snape'll be refereeing for next month's game. So, yeah, we might as well just hand in the cup now if --that greasy-- the Slytherin Head is looking to dock points especially since we --thrashed those slimy suckers-- beat them last term, and are set to overtake them for the Cup. Potter didn't look much pleased either; he's got it into his head that Snape's got it out for him --not that we'd put it past him-- which is ridiculous. Anyway, he cleared off pretty sharpish at the end, and when everyone else had cleared off Wood asked us to stay behind. He asked us to leave off Percy a bit. We were tempted to tell him to --go and stuff himself-- mind his own but --beyond totmenting Filch we live for nothing more than a good beat around-- he is out Captain, and senior, so we just asked him why. He looked sort of confused and then muttered something pathetic about him being our Captain and how he'd be in the firing line and respecting our superiors --and blah blah blah-- before shuffling off to the showers. Either he's planning on trying to get away with something big --although what we can't imagine as he's almost as goody two shoes as the Perfect Prefect himself-- or Percy's got him in cahoots... or something. The plot thickens.

Ron's been running round --like a twit-- reading recently. Something's definitely up.

Fred and George

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**Somewhere snowy, January 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

Never, ever ask me about Christmas again. Ever. Yes, Ginny was there, no it didn't improve the situation. There are no words. --I didn't even make any money out of the chatastrophe-- Seeing as how you ask, yes, I did indeed receive another jumper, I would have --given it to the baby dragons-- leant it to a more needy person that I but it is really very cold here and I've stopped worrying about burns and started worrying and frost-bite and chillblains. I most concerned about the Welsh Green we have here as she's not been looking good since that last wind storm.

Glad to hear you've been following my advice and caring for your overworked --although not as underpaid as I am-- brother. I'm rather glad to hear that Wood's given you a good talking to, --oh Merlin, I sounded like Mum didn't I?-- I only hope you take his advice. Although, you are right. It is a rather unusual request from your Quidditch captain. I'll give it some thought and get back to you but short of --them planning world domination-- McGonagall intervening on her Prefect's behalf I can't really think of anything else. Of course it's always possible that -

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Dear Sirs,

It is with infinte regret that we must inform you that the rest of this letter could not reach you. It appears that one of our owls was attacked on its flight to HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDY from our CARPATHIAN REGION. We would have enclosed the ashes but unfortunately they were causing the ink to smudge.

Please find enclosed a bill for the second postal required for this to reach you, and other included charges.

Andreea Olteanu

Departamentul de Bufniţă

Cluj Poştale de Birou

International Postal:7 Sickles

Treatment of Severely Scalded Ural Owl:5 Galleons


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

AN: I don't own them. Just to let you know; it's unlikely I'll be able to update again until next week because of exams so don't hold your breath!! Also, I've put in a link to this at my LJ so it's easier to read with the strikethroughs. Thanks for all the great reviews so far. Enjoy!

Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 69803 . html

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**Hogwarts, February 1992**

Dear --Charred-- Charlie,

WE WON!!!!! WE WON!!! We're not even going to complain about having to --steal Ron's pocket money-- fork out our savings to pay for the carnage at your end of what was left of the owl because WE WON!!!! It was a close call, what with Snape refereeing but he's just no match for the wonder that is Gryffindor!! We'd tell you to shut up about your stupid Welsh Green but nothing seems bad today... nothing. We can die happily now. Almost.

As you may have heard, your last owl --snuffed it-- didn't quite make it hear in one piece so if ever you manage to get round to --reitteratter-- tell us what it was you suspected about our brother then that would be nice. Not that --we care anymore-- you should feel you have to because WE WON! Even he seemed pleased and --disturbingly-- kindly went over the congratulate Wood afterwards. Our Captain was obviously so shocked he even stopped --hyperventilating with joy-- --grinning maniacly-- buzzing long enough to thank thim. Despite this, Percy seems more Percy-like: He's started revising for his OWLs now so he must be back to normal. That is, normal for Percy.

Fred and George

P.S. - WE WON!!

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"**I need a decent coat"-ville, February 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

Well done for winning. --Now will you please shut up about it?-- I'm sure you're all still celebrating so I won't keep you long with this. --My fingers are shaking as I write anyway.-- It's a little nippy round here but you'll be pleased to hear that both your brother, and his fiery charges are all surviving --just about--.

Sorry about the owl... I'd offer to pay but --but I'm catasrophically broke-- Dad always told us never to send money but post so... it would probably be disintegrated anyway. If Percy is seeming reasonably Percy-esque again I won't bother enabling your --perverse obsession with his personal life-- speculations futher. However, starting revision for summer exams when it's still winter doesn't sound at all healhty... even for someone like Percy. --Not that that would have anything to do with my previous theory-- --When you say he went to congratulate Wood how did he-- Maybe you should politely suggest he gives himself a break (and you two can do the same) and actually do some work? You could even try paying Ron some attention for once – is he still reading? If so, take a leaf out of his book (pun unintended) and do the same before McGonagall pulls you off the Quidditch team for your poor grades.

Charlie

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**Hogwarts, March 1992**

Dear Charlie,

--We're going to ignore your foul quips... oh dear, that's an intelligible sentence isn't it?-- We'll get to the point: we were wrong. We thought Percy was --less deranged-- doing well. Only the other day we came down to breakfast to find him revising. We noticed that he'd read the book before and when we pointed this out to him because --we like to torture him-- we care so much he called us fools. He also said some rather unkind things about how we wouldn't recognise a book if we were slapped around our faces with one. --He obviously inherited his sarcasm from you.-- We decided to try our best and leave him be but when we sat down with him he looked at us as if we were mad. He asked why we weren't tormenting him (we were mildly insulted) so we told him about what you and Wood had said about leaving him be and he went all red and funny and muttered something about something and ran off without eating. --And we always thought you were his favourite brother -- Obviously he doesn't take kindly to you interfering. When we saw him later he asked us when the next Quidditch practice was and then dashed off to be a --nerd-- Prefect elsewhere. We're started to wonder if he's even our brother anymore.

Work? Us? --Have you been whacked round the head by a dragon's tail one too many times?-- Are you mad? Frankly, the mere thought of it sickens us. --Do you really think McGonagall would actually pull is from the team?-- McGonagall would never stoop to such a low to pull us off the team. --Who else would beat anyway?-- There's no-one good enough to replace us.

Ron is still --acting strangely-- reading. We're thinking about taking him to have his head examined too. There's not some bizzare Weasley curse that only effects the third and sixth children is there? We'll investigate further and let you know anything we know when we know it so that you know it. --My head hurts.--

Fred and George

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**A winter wasteland, March 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

Concerning Percy: You are blind, deaf, and exceptionally stupid. I'm not even witnessing this saga first hand and I'd say I'm certain that I've figured it out. Think really, really hard, --actually, better not, you might hurt something!-- it may just come to the two of you. Shall I give you a clue? --I'm tempted not to, seeing as how impolite you are about my dragons-- I'm feeling generous so:

Don't dash off after the next Quidditch practice.

Really, if you can't figure it out by yourselves after that then there's no helping you. As a bonus I'll point out that Percy has always been --mildly psychotic-- a bit anal when it comes to exams so cut his weird eating habits and excessive reading out of the equation and what have you got?

Yes, I really do think that McGonagall would chuck you if she thought you might get on with some work. At least try and hand something in late for once. It may even do you some good. Other than --spying-- exercising far too keen an interest in your brothers and bashing around a Quidditch pitch you two don't seem to get up to much.

Charlie

P.S. - You still haven't figured out this thing about Percy yet have you?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

AN: I don't own or gain anything concerning the characters or original plot.

As promised, Part 4. With any luck I'll have the next chapter up next week and then it should be pretty regular updates for a while! Also, a nod of gratitude to the HP-Lexicon for their time lines, with which I would be hopelessly adrift. Enjoy.

Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 70041 . html

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**Hogwarts, April 1992**

Dear Charlie,

We are going to skip past the insults and threats and get straight to the point. You are a horrific excuse for an elder brother. The amount Mum goes on about you being a Prefect and being so wonderful at, oh, everything, you'd think you'd have at least a shred of decency, but no. We'll have you know we did do our homework for once. McGonagall refused to believe we weren't up to something fishy and after a lunchtime of interrogation she finally let us free with a --threat-- warning that she would be, we quote "keeping a ware eye open". So thanks, thanks a bunch.

On top of that, we wasted an hour standing outside in a fowl April shower after Quidditch practice and all that happened was Percy turned up –-probably to complain about us again-- to have a chat with Wood. We assume it's to do with Prefect duties and – wait! --You don't think that-- --You can't mean that-- Are you saying that Percy and Oliver are in cahoots?! Is that what McGonagall meant by keeping an eye on us? The cheek! It's bad enough using our brother but our Keeper?! That's practically family. The nerve. I never thought old McGonagall had it in her. Well, we'll thank you for the tip although --it's the first decent thing you've done for us in years-- that doesn't really explain what's going on with Percy... unless this has been going on all year.

Anyway, we're off the "bash around the Quidditch pitch" as you so charmingly put it. Give our regards to the dragons.

Fred and George

P.S. - Ha! We did solve Percy's mystery after all. Bet you feel stupid now, eh?

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"**Where All Hope Is Lost", April 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

I would bash my head against this desk but I haven't the energy --or the money to reimburse the damage--. Percy and Oliver are not joining forces with the staff against the two of you, as far as I know --although, thinking about it, it's entirely possible--. I cannot reiterate enough how very _wrong_ you both are. It pains me to read your --ghastly-- brotherly correspondence on a good day but this rather takes the biscuit.

Okay, let me put this --in a manner idiots like you could understand-- plainly: Percy has seemed preoccupied lately, Percy has been spending a lot of time with Oliver Wood, Percy has never had a girlfriend.

Now, I'm --hardly-- truly sorry about what happened with McGonagall but if you're too --stupid-- oblivious to work this one out then I have to say, you deserve it. I'm 2000 miles away and I can still hazard a decent guess at what's going on. Call yourselves mischievous? You should be ashamed.

While you're scratching your heads I'll quickly ask after Ron. I presume he's still alive; gone off the reading at all? No doubt you'll have been torturing him endlessly as you've been warned off Percy. Show him some mercy too once in a while --or is that asking too much of you?--.

It's getting rather pleasant round here, although it's still a bit nippy at the higher altitudes. I have to go and --tuck in-- put the Horntails to nest. Good luck with the thinking.

Charlie

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**Hogwarts, May 1992**

Dear Charlie,

MERLIN'S BEARD!!! How can you even talk about your dragons at a time like this? A time when revelations are abounded and mysteries are resolved. Who cares if Ron's snuffed it? This is a moment of triumph and shall go down in history as the day we solved the enigma that is Percy. That is, if you're assuming what we're assuming, which of course you assumed first as our original assumptions were incorrectly assumed.

Alright, --let's be rational-- just answer us this: are you trying to tell us that you think Percy is gay? Only, you do realise this is Percy we're talking about? We always just assumed he would study his way through life going from book to book, happy as a hippogriff, _alone_. The idea of Percy having feelings of any kind for anyone gives us a horrible unsettling feeling. The idea that he might be attracted to our Keeper is just... we haven't the words. You can't possibly think Wood likes Percy though – can you? Once again, Wood is someone else we always saw going through life alone, --I suppose that makes them a good match-- he's never seemed to express any strong emotions off the Quidditch pitch, never mind towards another person. Anyway, if the chat they had the other day is anything to go by not much is going on. As far as we could tell it was very formal so obviously not much has happened yet. --Do you think Mum knows?-- we're starting to creep ourselves out.

Fred and George

P.S. - Show Ron _mercy_? Don't you know us at all?

-

**Baçau, May 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

I'd take my hat off to you two, but it's actually rather windy up here and I fear I'll lose another one. Also, some of the younger dragons are quite keen on shredding what little clothing I possess so... any who. Well done for finally clocking on to what's been going on, --I'm almost proud--. I have no idea about Wood, you're the ones who fly with him so why you think I'd know is beyond me. However, I do find it unlikely from what you've said that anything is in fact going on – not that it's any of your business, so keep your noses out. Does Mum know? Well, put it this way, I wouldn't ask her if I were you --but if she's as interested in Percy's love-life as she is mine then there's no telling--. My advice is to move on with your lives, I never thought I'd say this but, go back to dung bombing Filch and leave the rest of us alone!

Fortunately I have ascertained the status of our younger brother – he is alive, and not too worse for wear --or at least will be until you two get your hands on him--. I'm sure he'll tell you exactly what he's been up to for the last month, and by extension, what I'll be doing all summer now. Suffice to say, I'll have my hands full for the next few months, and seeing as how you should both be revising for end of year exams, and have finally solved your mystery, I won't expect any owls from you for a while.

Charlie

P.S. - If I get any howlers from Percy, and or Wood in the next few weeks I will --personally hunt you both down and-- be very unimpressed by the both of you.

-

Quick question to my readers – does anyone have any strong aversions to me skipping August, and September? Only I've done some maths and discovered that at the rate I'm writing it's going to take fifteen chapters to get through Percy's chartered school years (5, 6 and 7) as it is!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4

AN: I don't own or gain anything concerning the characters or original plot.

Sorry it's so late – I am not as organised as I once thought. Also, HURRAY! I've finished Year 1. Only another ten chapters to go. Enjoy.

Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 71926 . html

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**bHogwarts, June 1992/b**

Dear Charlie,

Despite this wondrous revelation concerning our youngest elder brother, we first would like to divulge to you the follow fact: Our youngest brother is a menace. If you thought we were bad, you have another thing coming. What crime has he committed you ask? He's only gone and lost Gryffindor 150 points. One. Hundred. And. Fifty. Points. Why did we even bother to throw our hearts and souls into Quidditch when Ron and his little friends are going to go and throw them all away overnight? Don't worry, we're being just and fair and giving his accomplices the cold elbow as well while we're at it, namely, i_that girl_/i, and (believe it or not) Harry Potter. Yup, the Boy Who Lived is butchering Gryffindor. You'd think he'd want to beat Slytherin, being the anti-venom to the posion that is He Who Must Not Be Named. --We'd have written his real name but Fred can't spell it.-- The daft twit even tried to get off the Quidditch team. No fear, Wood sorted him out – he was a bit harsh if we're honest (not that we are). Wonder if this whole Percy thing has put him on edge... or maybe he's just nervous because his star Seeker just lost his House i_150 Points_/i. Either way, we'll be keeping out of his way until the end of term and just focus on --torturing Percy-- our end of year exams instead.

Moving on from one brother to another, --not that a night in the Forbidden Forest is punishment enough if you ask us-- Percy is in a tizz about his OWLs. Really, they're just OWLs. It's not like he could possibly fail them or anything... if he did even we'd suspect something fishy at the exam board. We think that this whole thing with Wood is –exasper-- --exacerbt-- making him worse. We could have sworn we saw him sitting in the Quidditch stalls during practice the other night trying to hide behind a History of Magic textbook. Poor sod. We'll admit it, it must be a rough boat to be in.

Right, this letter is far too sobering and we only have a month left in which to --reek havoc-- enjoy our Third Year at Hogwarts, so we'll be off.

Fred and George

-

b**Well of Self-Pity, June 1992/b**

Dear Fred and George,

How can I put this? It is not only Ron who is to blame for Gryffindor's sudden demise. I'm man enough to admit that I was involved in some small way in this incident. Emphasis on the word "small". I divulge this to you only so that you will --please stop writing to me-- let up on Ron a bit, and with the strict understanding that Mum will i_never, ever_/i find out. Alright, here goes.

Hagrid somehow managed to get his mits on a dragon egg. (And you think you've heard the worst of it already.) Somehow he even succeeded in hatching the damn thing, a Norwegian Ridgeback of all breeds. As you can imagine, having a baby dragon running around a school full of clumsy students --like you two-- isn't the best of ideas. Fortunately, he told Ron and Potter and that girl you keep mentioning, and they owled me. Being --a soft touch-- a good and caring soul I agreed to take in Norbert (that's the Ridgeback's name... although actually it should be Norberta. --bloddy amateurs--). Merlin knows what the research centre will say but I reckon I can sort it out. I got Tim and Emer to pick her up so I got to see the lads which was a nice change. You remember them don't you? I think Emer once tried to convince you that you'd both swtiched name as toddles as no-one could tell you apart, and Mum and Dad had never bothered to amend it. Good times.

So, please don't be too hard on Ron, or Potter, or me for that matter. Just be satisfied that your House may have lost points, but your school hasn't lost a gamekeeper. Silver lining and all that. Although, if I lose my job over this, feel free to murder all four of them at your end.

Now, onto Percy. You must have realised by now how overreactive and paranoid he can be so let him get through the OWLs before you lay into him again – as I recall, he's only half as mad with worry when he's waiting for results than when he's taking the exams. I hope. --I can't believe I'm going to say this but-- You're probably right, this development with Wood can't be doing him much good at all either. Unless of couse the feeling is mutual; I'll leave you two to --look "mutual" up in the dictionary"-- to figure that one out. I'm off to feed Norberta.

Charlie

-

b**Hogwarts, July 1992/b**

Dear Charlie,

We're off school at long last but we thought we'd drop you a quick line to let you know how the last few weeks at Hoggie's went.

WE WON THE HOUSE CUP!!! We can almost forgive Ron and Potter and their girlfriend for losing us all those points as they managed to salvage this for us. There was also some small kid called Nigel, or Neville involved we think; Dumbles gave some --sickening-- nice little sentimental piece about it as he called off the points but we'd stopped listening. We'd explain why they were so --esteamed-- esteemed but it'll probably be in the Prophet by now so you'll know anyway. We cannot, however, forgive the loss of the Quidditch Cup. Say what you like of us, but what's a House without it's Team? We worked too long and too hard for that cup to be cast aside like rotten flobberworms. --Quidditch Players of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your-- --Sorry, George's gone mad-- Regardless, we'll hold our heads high and move on. We've also forgiven you for your involvement. Sorry about the howlers.

Now, for the interesting stuff. During the end of term feast we were sitting along from our dear, broken Keeper when our brother suddenly appeared to "give his condolences". It was bizarre. And very, very awkward to watch. Percy is marginally --less deranged-- more sane than he was last month, but we thought he'd have been pleased to have one the cup. He did thank Ron and his assorted chums but he did actually seem genuinely sorry that we did win Quidditch as well. If you ask us, this goes far beyond the call of Prefect duty. The poor sod's enamoured. And, yes, we do know what "enamoured" means thank you very much. Our distaste at your crude remarks about our vocabulary is very, very i_mutual_/i. We digest. We think we should tell Wood about Percy. He's a decent guy so it's not like he'll beat Perce to death --not that that wouldn't be marginally amusing--, and anywho, in the unlikely event he feels the same way we'll have done them both a favour and they shall be forever in our debt. Either way, it can't hurt.

Fred and George

P.S. - Oh, yeah, we think we might have failed our end of term exams. Ah well. Mum can at least say she has some variety in her children.

-

b**Pit of Despair, July 1992/b**

Dear Cain and Cain,

Do not, I repeat, do i_not/i_ tell Wood. Screw the House Cup, the Quidditch Cup, and your disastrous grades - believe it or not you are about to destroy your brother's life. And just to clarify, no, that isn't a good thing. Regardless of how well Wood deals with it, he only need mention it to one other person and it'll be a swift farewell to Percy's already crippled social life. I beg, and implore you both to keep your mouths shut --for once-- and to wrench your noses out of other peoples' lives.

Screw it, you've never listened to me, and even if you did, it's probably too late. Shall I send flowers to the family plot or are we having a quiet funeral so as to avoid the rest of the world knowing that Percy Weasley was brutually pushed into his own social suicide by his younger brothers? You must be the first people to have caused social euthanasia. I'd be impressed if it weren't so sickening.

Seeing as how you asked, Norberta's fine. So am I, --Florin has promised they can grow the thigh muscle back so you'd never know it was gone in the first place-- and I might even get the chance to take some holiday this year. Enjoy your summer – I hope the weather is awful and the lemonade is bitter.

Charlie

-

The incorrect usage of "mutual" and "digest" by Fred and George is intentional!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

AN: I don't own or gain anything concerning the characters or original plot.

Here goes Year 2, in which things shall happen... with any luck. Enjoy.

Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 74300 . html

-

**Hogwarts, October 1992**

Dear Charlie,

We do hope you had a lovely summer. Did you have a lovely summer? We had a lovely summer. Everything was wonderful and we have returned to Hogwarts for our fourth year after a restful and uneventful summer --in which we did not destroy our brother's life or steal Dad's car--. Well, there were a few things that did come up... but we wouldn't worry about them if we were you; Mum and Dad aren't, they're too busy being pissed at Ron for stealing the car to drive him and Potter to school when they missed the Hogwarts Express. As it seems Ron is not the wisest Weasley in the Barrow and is also so --incompetent-- bad at time-keeping he can't even catch a train without disaster ensuing. Admittedly we may or may not have shown him the ropes with the Anglia when we busted Harry out of his Aunt and Uncle's place. Before you explode, there were bars on his window and he was practically semaphoring for help so it was really more of a humanitarian venture than anything else... really. We also ran into that --git-- author Gilderoy Lockhart in Diagon Alley the other day – we all flooed down (except Potter, who may be a seeking prodigy, but is also a moron), and Dad got into a fight with Lucius Malfoy outside Flourish and Blotts. It was a sight to be seen, we're telling you; Dad's got quite the left hook on him as well!Asides from that though, it really was an eventful summer. We played a few games of Quidditch with the Potter (with whom Ginny is utterly enamoured), degnomed the garden, and outed Percy to our Keeper. So, like we said: same old, same old.

School is also going well --if Mum owls and asks-- although there have been a few highs and lows. Ginny got into Gryffindor, as you've doubtless heard, which is the good news. Bad news is Lockhart is the new DADA teacher, and completely useless at that. He might as well just kill us all now and save the Dark Arts' the bother, as it's not like we'll be able to put up much of a fight the way he teaches it – he almost killed himself with some pixies' the other day in a Second Year lesson, the way we hear it.

Anyway, we're off to Quidditch practice. Wood is even more --obsessive-- committed this year so we're sure to spend --every waking moment-- much of our spare time on the pitch. Glad to hear you made it through another summer with the Antipedia Opals and Norberta.

Fred and George

P.S. - Oh, and Percy's doing just fine... never been better.

-

**Suceava "Slightly Singed" Research Centre, October 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

I was somewhat concerned by your previous letter, so I have chosen to tackle the more mundane details first in order to steel myself --with a little help from a bottle of Ţuică--.

I can only assume Mum has already strung you all up for rescuing Harry so I shan't go into that more than is necessary other that to say you are fools, but enviable ones at that! I wouldn't mind getting behind the wheel of the girl myself! I'm also impressed Ron managed to fly it all the way to Hogwarts (I presume he did in fact fly) without killing both himself and Harry. I can't believe that Dad actually got into a fist-fight, least of all with Lucius Malfoy --although if there ever were someone--, but I suppose I'll have to take your word for it. This Lockhart chap – can't say I've ever delved into his literature --he hasn't written anything on dragons--, but I vaguely recall Mum being obsessed by him! I almost pity you.

Now, what have you done to Percy and how difficult is it going to be to fix it? I struggle to comprehend the logical steps you took in coming to the assumption that telling Wood he is _believed_ to be the object of our brother's affection. Firstly, we have no actual evidence, and secondly, why oh why oh why?! I do hope he's alright and isn't embarking on his penultimate year at Hogwarts to be faced with Hell. I can't decide if you two are loving and well meaning but unaccountable stupid, or actually just pure evil.

Charlie

P.S. - Concerning the dragons, thanks for the interest – although I can only assume you are referring to the Antipodean Opaleye in your last letter --which was most discernible--.

-

**Hogwarts, November 1992**

Dear Charlie,

Things have --disintegrated-- declined rather rapidly round here. The other day Filch's --flea bag-- cat turned up petrified – of course, we were the first to be dragged in and interrogated – and then on Monday some first year was found as well. Apparently it's all to do with some old Hogwarts legend about a Chamber or something. May be the apocalypse, may just be someone having a laugh, who knows? Lockhart's also been sabotaging our lives – we thrashed Slytherin the other day at Quidditch (you can congratulate us later) but Potter managed to --bugger up-- take a Bludge to the arm --and, no, before you ask, it was not one of ours--. Lockhart goes to fix it, and ends up vanishing all of Harry's bones. Were we impressed? No we were not. We're thinking of giving Filch a rest --and not just because we feel bad about his cat-- and direct our mischevous expertise at our moron of a DADA teacher instead. Not that you heard this from us.

Percy's fine --at least, we think he is; he's not talking to us--, and we were very subtle in telling Wood. We just went up to him and told him our theory casually. At first he thought we were joking – we can't decide if we're insulted, or honoured – but when he realised we were serious he just asked us why were telling him and then stuttered his way out of the conversation. And seeing as Percy is alive, and not a social outcast we're assuming all's well that hasn't quite ended well yet. Then again, Wood did make us practice Quidditch in --a flood-- torrential downpour the other day... not that he hasn't been known to --torture us-- push us to our limits. He seemed a bit more serious as well. We're sure it's nothing. We thought we'd ask Percy if he was alright just in case but he stared at us as if we were mad and begged us not to do anything until he handed in his Transfiguration essay on Thursday. Like we said: insulted? Honoured?

Anyway, the plus side of it all is that everyone round here has gone crazy and are convinced they are the next on the list of Person To Be Petrified --we may or may not have encouraged this rumour-- so we're doing quite well out of the talisman business.

Fred and George

-

**The Bottom of the Ţuică Bottle, November 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

Having read your last I found I could not stomach a reply without a decent quantity of fermented liquids within me. I am yet again astounded and disturbed at the levels you will sink to. Have you ever heared of exploitation? You know there's a good kind and a bad kind, right? Well, this is the bad kind. Only you two could exist in the middle of a dilemma and your first thoughts to be "how can we profit from others' misfortune?". Were it not for the resemblance I would beg to difer that we come from the same gene pool. And I haven't even got onto what you've been doing to Percy yet.

So, you've butchered your own brother. Bravo. Is this revenge for him being a Prefect or is it actually something personal? If Wood is still the Keeper I remember he'll know how to keep his mouth shut, and will have the decency to do so. That way, so long as you two don't go bleeting to the rest of the Wizarding World we should be safe. Now, here's what you two are going to do: you will go to Percy and you will ask him _very nicely_ and not in public --for Merlin's sake, not in public-- whether or not you two have the right end of the stick. You will not jeer, you will not taunt, you will be polite --you do know what that means right?-- and considerate. When he undoubtedly asks who else knows you will tell him and then you will assure him that it will not leave the conversation and you will _leave him alone_, capiche? Whatever Percy does with this information is his business and you will keep out of it. --Oh sweet Shortsnouts, I sound like our Mother.--

Please take some of what I've said into account --and if you could maybe see your way to persuading Mum to sending me a few galleons--.

Charlie


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

AN: I don't own or gain anything concerning the characters or original plot.

Ag. Long chapter. Have skipped January so I can include July at the end of Year 2. It is strategic and cunning and you will realise in about two chapters! Enjoy.

Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 75278 . html

-

**Hogwarts, December 1992**

Dear Charlie,

Out of the kindness of their hearts Mum and Dad have decided to abandon us here over the holidays in favour of our --primogentic-- --primogender-- eldest brother so we're all being kept in this mad house for Christmas. You'd think they'd want us home and dry seeing as how the Heir of Salazar Slytherin is amongst us, but no. Ron has this theory that some snotty nosed kid in his year might be at the source of all these petrifications; none other than Lucius Malfoy's kid, who talked his slimy father into getting all the Slytherin team Nimbus Two-thousand and One's. So, actually, on second thoughts, he might actually be onto something there. Regardless, we're stuck here.

We had a theory about this Heir ourselves; Giddy Lockhart seemed a likely candidate, right up until he started this bizarre Duelling Club. It may be the --best-- only decent thing he's ever done in his life but there it is. And before you jump to the conclusion that the Club itself is the only evidence in his favour think again. Potter got put up in this Duel against Malfoy Junior and the Slytherin summoned up this snake and next thing you know Harry's having a nice chat with it. No, really. Some daft Hufflepuff kid thought Harry was trying to get it to kill him which is, you know, unlikely, but then Ron's little girlfriend had this little speech prepared about parsleymoths which we --listened in on-- accidentally overheard. Then, Potter basically fell over the same Hufflepuff and Nearly Headless Nick petrified. Did you know ghosts could be petrified? So, yeah, apparently Potter's here to kill is all. Except we're safe, because we're Pure-Blood. But still, our Seeker's on the rampage.

We were going to take your advice about Percy, we really were, honest. But, well, we sort of didn't have to. Before you judge and accuse us, hear this out. You know how Dumbledore likes to have Mistletoe all over the castle? Well, there was some in the Common Room and, somehow Percy managed to walk into Oliver right beneath it. We swear, we had nothing to do with it... much. When Percy realised he sort of just froze and stared and his eyes went ever so slightly manic. Wood didn't seem too impressed either but he tried to act as if it was nothing. Some utter prat yelled something stupid about Wood showing Percy "how it was done", don't worry, we dung bombed him later. But before Wood could do anything Percy just ran off. As in actually lunged at the nearest exit. While everyone else was giggling their silly heads off Wood followed after him, and we followed after Wood, out of concern for our brother, you understand. Long conversation short, Wood told Percy he knew. Percy sort of laughed it off but Wood wasn't having it. Then he said something really strange about what if he were interested too. Percy did that magic blanching thing he does with his face, muttered something incomprehensible, and left.

So, as you can see, everything's perfectly normal here.

Fred and George

-

**Where all sensation in my feet is lost, December 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

After reading your letter I --actually wept-- needed a stiff drink. I can't believe I'm saying this, but being alone in a Research Centre with nothing but a few Hands and some hibernating dragons for Christmas almost makes me envy Bill. I hope you're enjoying Christmas, I really do, because as I'm alone, Bill has to deal with Mum, Percy's life has been --single-- dual-handedly trashed by you two, Ron's best friend has turned into the Anti-Merlin, and Goblins' know what's happened to Ginny all this time, you two seem like the only Weasley children eligible for a decent celebration. Make the most of it.

Seeing as how well you're destroying others' lives I can only hope something will pop up in our lineage that disproves the purity of our blood and then you two can appreciate the fear of petrification like these poor students you're luring into a false sense of security with your talismans and tricks. And if you did get petrified then it would also give you some time off from interfering in others' affairs.

Right, down to business. It appears as if Percy's affections for your Keeper do not go entirely unrequited. Do you think maybe this means you could leave him alone now? If anything is going on then I'm sure it's not too --normal-- complicated for our dear brother to handle. You've meddled enough and now Percy has a chance to take hold of his life, do as I said in my last letter and _leave, him, alone_.

Charlie

-

**Hogwarts, February 1993**

Dear Charlie,

First off, sorry for the lateness of our reply. You see, Ron's been a prat. He and his chums did something stupid with something potent and his girlfriend ended up in the Hospital Wing looking like a cross between Mum's old cat and Aunt Muriel. Anyway, she turned up all better the other week but we've had to pull Ron through the whole sordid affair. --This is starting to sound like one of Mum's mystery novels-- So, anyway, sorry.

On your insistence we stopped selling protective stuff to the younger kids but then MacMillan started suggesting that by holding out on the students we were joining forces with --Potter-- the Heir of Slytherin and so we _had_ to start up again. We really did try though.

We were also rather busy last week --sabotaging-- giving Lockhart a hand with his Valentine's Day Extravaganza cum Disaster. It was bloody awful, but there was a rather amusing moment with Potter and a rhyming card. All we can say is that we would never stoop to such levels, but it was --good-- vaguely funny for what it was worth.

Speaking of Valentine's Day. Well, we took into account all that you said about Percy and Wood but, in all honesty, we couldn't help ourselves. So we sort of did them both a favour, of kinds. We have mastered the use of --supple-- --supper-- subtle tactics so we arranged a meeting. For the two of them. On Valentine's Day. It was just an empty Charms classroom – we thought maybe they could have a chat. Or something. It didn't quite go all that well though. As soon as Percy walked in his face was set in --a most unattractive-- --sorry, Fred's turned into Bathilda Bagshot-- an expression of shock. Wood tried to get a word in but Perce just legged it. He saved enough time to shout "are you trying to kill me?" at us as he rushed past, but we think maybe he thought we were someone else. We think next time it'll go much better.

Fred and George

-

**Baçau, February 1993**

Dear Fred and George,

When I didn't hear from you last month --I thought I might finally be rid of your pestilent owls-- I feared the worst. That is, for Percy, not you. It seems that my worry was not without cause. I can sort of see the positive motives behind trying to set our brother up with Wood but I can't say I can ever see a scenario where you two would make good matchmakers. Sorry. At least Percy is in one piece, although you have to feel a little sorry for Oliver. Regardless, I'd give them both some space (if you can) for the next week or so. It can't hurt for them to be alone with their thoughts... or whatever.

Valentine's Day organised by the author of _Year With The Yeti_ cannot have been anything less than terrifying and hideous. Despite the cold snap here --and my continuing poverty – did you manage to talk to Mum?-- I do feel for you all.

Can't stay - we've a hatching today – as if twenty assorted dragons and the bitter wind weren't enough to occupy us as it is. Don't emotionally cripple any more of your siblings before your next correspondence.

Charlie


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

AN: I don't own or gain anything concerning the characters or original plot.

Hurray! Now over halfway through! Also, two chapters in a week! With any luck I'll bash through the rest of Year 2 next week as well. Enjoy.

Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 75990 . html

-

**Hogwarts, March 1992**

Dear Charlie,

We can only assume that you haven't been eaten by the little nippers you we're cracking open last time you wrote and are therefore reading this. If not, sucks to be you. Concerning your comments about emotionally crippling our siblings – Ron is fine, he says thank you for the card and whatever the heck that thing was you sent him as a present. We hate to break this to you bro, but no-one else in the entire world appreciates dragon associated crap in quite the same way you do. Anyway, far as we could see his birthday went well; he's been much more cheerful since his girlfriend returned to her human form and since Potter started being hated by everyone at the school almost as much as he is. Far as we can tell Ginny is fine but she's been a bit --miserable-- off recently. Doesn't really talk to us all that much and just sort of mopes around writing in her diary, or at least, she did until she lost it the other week. So now she just wanders round complaining about the absence of diary. It's enough to drive anyone spare. Percy is --almost as bad-- a bit down as well. He's managing to avoid Wood like the plague and yet still delegate the entire House; sometimes, even we're impressed.

Wood, of course, has taken the whole Percy running away from the very sight of him thing to heart and he seems to be taking it out on the team. We no longer have any sensation in our elbows, is that normal? Is that even possible? At the end of practice last week it all went sideways though, and not even in the usual terrifying way. It was getting dark and drizzly and we were all beat and we'd all agreed to take a stand if it started to rain because it was getting ridiculous. Before we even tried to complain properly Wood just sighed and said it was fine and he'd see us all at the next practice. I think Katie's still in shock. We weren't going to look a gift Hippogriff in the mouth though so we all cleared off sharpish. Except Wood who just sat in the seats watching the rain. Merlin, these Sixth Years can be real emotional wrecks when they want to be. --We almost feel bad-- Anyway, as you of course know it's our birthday soon so that'll be sure to cheer him up.

Fred and George

-

**Here be dragons, March 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

I've included your birthday cards and presents in this parcel as we've been very busy with the Hatchlings and I didn't know when I'd next have the --will to do anything but sleep-- chance. Anyway, Happy Birthday. Hope it's a good one. --Do you think maybe this time you could actually add the year onto your mental ages as well?--

I hope Ginny is alright. I might drop her an owl if I can find --the cost of postage-- the time. Keep an eye on her for me would you? It's her first year and that can be tough; especially when she's got you two to follow. Speaking of our siblings, I heard from Bill the other day; apparently he'd only just recovered after Christmas. He also said something about how we would never forgive Mum because apparently after they left, so did his girlfriend.

Onto Percy and Oliver and their ensuing disaster. Well I'm glad to see you've been giving Percy his space; hopefully his work and Prefect duties will keep his mind occupied. Wood, however, might be a bit more complicated to deal with. If I were you two --what a horrible thought-- I'd just be thankful that you're all still able to play together without it all ending in tears so I wouldn't push anything. Just let the two of them deal with it themselves, there's nothing --helpful-- you can do now.

Charlie

-

**Hogwarts, April 1992**

Dear Charlie,

Thanks for the cards and gifts --whatever the heck they were-- it was nice of you to remember. The rest of the Weasleys remembered as well. We'll leave you to guess at what we got from Mum... a clue? They begin with "j" and are made of mohair. Ginny and Ron can't get off the school grounds so we just got cards from them but Percy actually did himself proud and bought us two copies of "Exams for Idiots". Normally we'd be insulted but, after all, it is Perce, and even if he might just be trying to soften us into leaving him alone --it was nice to see him smile-- it was all in good humour.

The Chasers had organised a bit of a bash for us in the Common Room, which was quite nice. Bad luck for Percy and Wood though as they had to be in the same room with each other for a whole evening. They seemed to manage alright though; they were civil and even managed to hold a brief conversation once without Perce putting his foot in it. Personally, we think it was a good experience for the both of them. Which sort of made up for the April Fools we pulled this morning!

If you speak to Bill tell him we're sorry about Orane --although really he should have seen that one coming--. Mum owled us about your love life as well the other day, so be aware.

Fred and George

-

**Where the rain pours and the Weasley is penniless, April 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

Glad to hear your birthday went well – I have to admit it, I do sort of miss April Fools' Day away from home. Florin hasn't really quite grasped to concept and really, when it's just the few of you in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a colony of dragons in the vicinity it can be rather hard to think up decent fools that don't turn into arson or death. Maybe next year I'll make it home --if I can ever scratch together enough cash--.

Glad to hear all of my other assorted siblings enjoyed themselves as well. Ginny cheered up a bit? Maybe you could get her a new diary as an early birthday present? --Or would that be too much good doing for you two for one lifetime?-- Also, could you give Ron a message for Hagrid: tell him Norberta is doing well and has become rather friendly with another Ridgeback that we like to call Radu. Also, he's welcome to come out and visit her whenever he likes, just so long as he doesn't tell anyone how he got hold of her.

Glad to hear Percy is doing alright. Although knowing him, he'll probably be neck deep in revision by now so see what you can't do to stop him overworking. If Oliver is taking this well then count yourselves lucky and don't push too many buttons at Quidditch practice.

Merlin, apparently one of the Greens is loose; I thought I could smell something burning.

Charlie


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

AN: I don't own or gain anything concerning the characters or original plot.

As promised – and thank you all so, so much for the lovely comments; they make my day! Also, that's Year 2 done, wahey! Enjoy.

Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 76085 . html

-

**Hogwarts, May 1992**

Dear Charlie,

Things have gone from bad to worse around here --and we're not just talking about the smell in the Quidditch Changing Rooms--. It all happened last Saturday. First off the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff was cancelled, then some Ravenclaw girl and (can you believe it?) Ron's little girlfriend were found petrified --which is made all the much worse by Ronnie's incapability to shut up about it--. All this led to the Ministry turning up and dragging Hagrid off to Azkhaban and before we could even give him your message. It gets even worse, they've taken Dumbledore out of position as well. Don't worry, we plan on reeking absolute _havoc_ until he's reinstated and Hagrid is released. Meanwhile everyone else is running round in a frenzy; they're even talking of closing the school! And you thought taming dragons was dangerous.

Percy is, of course, practically running the House, whilst Wood mourns the game. Don't get us wrong, we appreciate both their concerns; but it does all rather scupper our plans of --hooking them up after the match-- apologising to both of them for all the trouble we've caused. As if things couldn't get any worse Ginny is even more maudlin then usual, hanging round us and looking like --someone butchered the cat-- she's having a rough time of it. The other day she even tried to talk to Percy – as if he didn't have enough trouble with Prefect duties, the school going to pot, and his inability to communicate with his not-quite boyfriend; who happens to be the Captain of our Quidditch team. Who ever said an education was good for you?

Fred and George

-

**Suceava --"Slightly Singed"-- "All But Disintegrated" Research Centre, May 1992 **

Dear Fred and George,

The fact that I'm writing this to you from the charred remains of what one was our --asbestos filled and draughty-- charming and wonderful Research Centre now seems rather futile --then again, if you're allowed to complain about cancelled Quidditch matches at a time like this then I think I'm fully entitled to milk it for all it's worth--. I've done a bit of reading and apparently Mandrakes can cure petrification; I vaguely recall Sprout being all but obsessed with the ghastly little things so with any luck all the students will be recovering soon. Still, that doesn't quite cure the mystery of what the Deatheater has been doing this. To be honest, I'm surprised that Mum hasn't dragged you all home; especially now Dumbledore has gone which, while I mention it, is possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard – which Niffler thought to themselves "the students are being attacked... let's remove the Headmaster; who is not only in charge of the school but also Albus Dumbledore, a wizard even He Who Must Not Be Named is afraid of". --Although they do employ a man obsessed with plug sockets so there's not telling who else they have stashed away in there--. They arrested Hagrid? But the --man-- --giant-- --half-man-half-giant-- guy couldn't hurt a Flobberworm! I'm more than tempted to fly over and give them all a good piece of my mind but --I can't afford the time off-- they can't really cope without us right now. Anyway, nothing is worth missing the hatchlings --frolic-- playing in the ashes.

Have you thought to ask Ginny if she's alright? I now she's safe as Hogwarts Houses being a pure blood but that doesn't mean she isn't terrified --I know I would be--. It is nice to hear some concern for your brother though; now is the time to stick together as a family and keep an eye out for each other, you can worry about Percy's love life (or rather, the lack of it) later.

Keep me posted, and stay safe.

Charlie

-

**Hogwarts, June 1992**

Dear Charlie,

Thank you for your --soppy-- lovely letter and all of your concern. However, it was all for nothing. The attacks we told you about in our letter were the last. In less than fortnight it was all over; but you'll never believe how. The long and the --very-- short of it is that Ginny somehow became pen pals with a teenage He Who Must Not Be Named and accidentally started setting a --Basillica-- --Basalt-- giant snake on people; unintentionally, of course. Then this Riddle chappy kidnapped her, panic ensued, and Mum and Dad appeared. Somehow Potter figured this out so he and Ron went down into the Chamber of Secrets, killed the slimy thing, rescued our sister, and knocked Lockhart's brains out. By Tuesday Hagrid was back, everyone was un-petrified, and all the exams had been cancelled which, short of the fact that Lockhart doesn't know himself from a Sweet Potato, was probably the best thing about the whole _shenanigans_.

So alls well that ends well you're thinking. But you're wrong. We were on the Hogwarts Express on our way home and Ginny sort of let something slip. That Ravenclaw girl that got petrified, Penelope Clearwater, is apparently going out with none other than our dear brother. And we're not talking about Ron. At first we thought she was joking but when we --drilled-- asked Percy about it later he admitted it. We know what you're thinking right now, because we've been thinking the same: --we ruined our brother and our Keeper's lives for nothing-- how did we get it so wrong? Weird thing was, he looked so miserable when he admitted it, although that could have had something to do with Mum whisking him away the moment she found out to get the girl's name, house, and DNA coding. --The woman's mad.-- We can't help but wonder how Oliver is taking it; first Quidditch, now this. Poor bloke's been rather taken through the mill this year.

Oh, and Dad one the raffle or something so apparently we're all off to Egypt. Even you're invited. See you there then. --And, no, you can't bring your dragons.--

Fred and George

-

**In a State of Shock, June 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

There are no words.

Charlie

-

Yes, the only reason for skipping a month back then was to include June and Penelope. And sorry about the cliffhanger!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

AN: I don't own or gain anything concerning the characters or original plot.

Year 3 and we're into double figures - WOOT!! I was also actually able to find my copy of this book so hopefully it'll be a bit more plot consistent. Enjoy.

Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 76324 . html

-

**Hogwarts, October 1992**

Dear Charlie,

Things have been more than a little eventful since we saw you in Egypt --speaking of which, have you recovered from Mum's interrogation yet?--. First off, we have a new DADA teacher, name of Lupin and he's the best bloody one we've ever had. True, it's not hard to beat old Quirrel or Lockhart but he even let's us do practical lessons – we took on a Red Cap last week, and a boggart the one before. He's a bit frayed around the edges but otherwise the guys become a Hogwarts legend; even the Slytherins (well, most of them) like him. Can't say Care of Magical Creatures is going that well – you'll be pleased to here that Hagrid has taken over --about time too, Kettleburn was in pieces, literally-- but not so pleased to discover that Lucius Malfoy and his offspring have been trying to have him fired after one of his classes went a bit South. We don't really see what the fuss is all about to be honest, --there wasn't _that_ much blood-- just old Greasy complaining about nothing. Oh, and because of this whole Black scare we've got the odd Dementor wandering around the school. Otherwise though, we've been having a cracking time.

Percy on the other hand is _still_ going on about being Head Boy, but it does rather sound like he's --defleeting-- deflecting as when he opened the letter he just sort of sat there until Mum asked him if he was alright. Apparently he was "overwhelmed" but you and --I-- we know different. We think you must be right about Penelope as Perce has been miserable all summer and has only seemed his normal (well, normal for Percy) self when we --were tormenting him about being Head Boy-- when someone bothers him. When he was at the station with her he seemed rather awkward, which is more than can be said for Oliver. The good weather doesn't seem to have done him any good. At the platform we ran into him and he was practically staring at Perce and Penny like someone had just set fire to his broomstick. Don't worry, we --gave him a good slap-- snapped him out of it but at Quidditch practice the other day he looked like he was worrying about more than just the Cup. We just wish we knew what we could do for the poor sod.

Fred and George

-

**Where even the month abroad doesn't make up for our Mother, October 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

You may be having such a smashing time but things are a bit bleak around here. The centre is still in dire need to, you know, walls and stuff. I really couldn't afford the time off over the Summer --and spending it with Mum persistently asking when I was going to settle down with a nice girl didn't much make up for it; I didn't even manage to scrounge a few galleons while I was there so I'll be living on Chocolate Frogs for another week running-- so things are a bit hectic here. The dragons seem to be enjoying it though so at least there haven't been any more escape attempts. It's not that I wouldn't love for them to be able to roam free but the fact of the matter is it's just not safe for them out there.

I'm glad to hear about Hagrid's position, and disheartened by bloody Malfoy poking his bloody nose into the bloody business. Let me know if there's anything I can do. At least you have a decent DADA teacher; considering the way the last two years have panned out it's about time you learnt something substantial.

I'd find some solid evidence about Percy before you try and --ruin his life again-- sabotage his relationships – not that I am in _any_ way advocating that! But, for arguments sake, let's say Percy is in denial (or whatever) and is actually very unhappy then a) it would be in his own best interests to resolve this on going saga, b) it's not very fair on Penelope if she's just his validation, and c) I can't bare the thought of poor Wood being in the lurch like that. So, and I can't believe I am actually going to say this but, if you can find the proof, I officially give you permission to destroy your brother's relationship and set him up with your Keeper. May Merlin have mercy on my soul.

Charlie

P.S. - I'm going to regret this, aren't I?

-

**Hogwarts, November 1992**

Dear Charlie,

Your last letter --can hardly-- almost make up for the events of the last few weeks. First Sirius Black (no, really, as if this school could get any more bizarre) turned up and attacked the Fat Lady --which we take as a personal insult--, then Lupin was ill so Snape of all the --gits-- people substituted for him, and then our lives were _ruined_. We had the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff and in the middle some of those bloody Dementors tried to take a bite out of Potter so we lost the match, and if that wasn't bad enough Harry's broom was torn to pieces by the Whomping Willow so now we're effectively a Sneeker down. The fact that Potter will make a full recovery --doesn't cheer us up in the slightest-- is some consolation though. The weather's not getting any better either.

As you can imagine this has done nothing to solve Wood's problems; he practically tried to drown himself in the showers after the match and we had to physically remove him from the bathrooms. We told the others it was all to do with Quidditch but we couldn't help but notice that he noticed that Percy was watching the game with Penelope and seemed to become even more --crazed-- determined than usual. This Dementor business couldn't have happened at a worse time.

You want proof? Alright, we'll get you proof. Our lives may be in the --prophetic-- --provable-- proverbial (Ha! Take that thesaurus!) toilet but we can at least fix Percy's. We're accumulating it as we --speak-- write. Firstly, Percy actually went to the match, and secondly, after he heard about the defeat we could have sworn we saw him giving Wood his condolences in the corridor. We can't tell is Oliver ignored him out of spite, or just despair. Regardless, --Clearwater isn't going to know what's hit her-- we're going to fix this --but the fact that he's dating a Ravenclaw should be excuse enough to break them up-- if it's the last thing we do.

With grim determination,

Fred and George

-

**What's left of the Suceava Research Centre, November 1992**

Dear Fred and George,

I really am sorry to hear about Quidditch; especially as it's Wood's last chance at the Cup. With any luck you'll be able to find a replacement broom for Potter --or at least a replacement Sneeker-- before your next match.

Sirius Black was at your school? --Why am I not surprised?-- I wonder who he could be after; really, if Potter survives this year it'll be a miracle. --Then again, the same could be said of Percy and Oliver with you two on the war path-- Look after yourselves again would you, and keep an eye on Ginny – I think we've pretty much ascertained Ron can look after himself but after last year don't take any chances with our little sister, got it?

Oh Merlin, it's raining and we have no roof --and Mum and Dad are still failing to support me financially so I can't afford another hat--. I love my job, I do, I really do.

Right, so far so good on the Percy front but you really need solid, or at least verbal, proof that Percy is in fact so inclined otherwise this will all end in --more-- tears. Keep an eye on Oliver as well, he's sensible enough but when it comes to Quidditch (and love, apparently) the chap has a weak spot so don't let him doing something stupid; like that time he tried to practice in the storm – I swear his reflexes were never the same after that.

Oh, Florin has found me an umbrella. Really, you have to hand it to the bloke, not only is he a crack handler, but he really knows how to look after us humans as well. Also, makes a damn good cup of tea.

Where was I? Oh, I haven't the energy to remember. Keep up the good --sabotage-- work.

Charlie


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

AN: I don't own or gain anything concerning the characters or original plot.

Time to delve into the realms of sabotage and snow. Sorry it took a while to be written, and starts off rather slow... I have no excuse. Enjoy.

Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 77102 . html

-

**The Burrow, December 1993**

Dear Charlie,

We've been doing as you said and keeping an eye on our Keeper. Our legendary defeat of Hufflepuff last month seemed to really cheer him up a bit though so we reckon we're safe for now - although there's no telling what he'll do over Christmas --we've heard that the holiday season can increase the likelihood of suicide--. We're back at home for the festivities to keep an eye on Percy. --Well, it was that or put up with Ron complaining about how his girlfriend's cat keeps trying to kill Scabbers or something equally as deranged.-- He seems to be doing alright, we think. He spends most of the time in his room; when we asked him what he was up to he gave us an odd look and then muttered something about having a girlfriend and commitment. This only strengthened out --resin-- --resolution-- resolve to seek out the truth. Unfortunately, we've been having a few problems with that. Everytime we try and talk to him he gets all defensive, or someone else turns up, or Mum tells us to stop bothering him. Instead, we've decided to pursue our investigations when --he has nowhere to hide, and no-one to hide him-- we're back at Hogwarts.

We sent an owl to Wood though, as we were --worried-- mildly concerned. We just wrote about the last match, and the Team, and about where he's applying for next year. And --that we knew he was in love with Percy-- a few other things. He didn't write back.

It's getting a bit nippy around here, how's it at your end?

Fred and George

-

**Somewhere beneath several inches of frozen precipitation, December 1993**

Dear Fred and George,

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Give my best to Mum, Dad, Ginny, and Percy; tell them their presents are in the post --I'm having a few issues with customs--. I've already owled Ron and Bill so don't worry about that. Your gifts should reach you in a day or so... I think.

It's bloody cold up here, bit worried the hatchlings might get frostbite... their snouts are particularly vulnerable, especially as they're quite keen on sniffing around – it's their first snow though so let them have a mosey about. Despite a few issues with minor flash flooding (a spat between two Fireballs resulted in an entire drift melting earlier this week) we're all holding up quite well this year. We have a roof on the the centre, and we've put some charms where the windows should be as building access has been restricted by the altitude, and the dragons. We even had a snow-ball fight yesterday with some local girls when Florin and I popped down into the town to buy some milk. Before you tell Mum and she jumps all over this, you should know any even meagre possibility of me being even vaguely interested in them was cut short by our inability to communicate. I think Florin is ashamed that, despite having been here for nearly three years, I can still only say basic words, "I can't feel my toes", and "where is the burns department?" in Romanian.

I'm not even going to go into the mess that is your plan to out Percy to himself. I'll just say sally forth and noroc!

Charlie

-

**Hogwarts, January 1994**

Dear Charlie,

Please, for the love of Merlin, never, ever send us presents again. Ever.

Also, when we told Mum that their gifts were delayed after she'd finished --rejoicing-- sulking she asked how you were so we told her about what you said about the snowball fight and the girls. She says she rues the day she bought you that toy Welsh Green. --We don't blame her.--

We'd --complain-- comment on your news and fire-breathers but we have some of our own. News, that is, not dragons. You see, despite being masters of mischief (even if we do say so ourselves) we'd been rather struggling to solve the dilemma of proving Percy's true feelings. After DADA one day, Professor Lupin asked us to stay behind. He said we'd been "distracted" more so than usual and asked if there was something he could help with. We were at our wits ends so we thought, why not? So we asked him "if you knew someone was in love with someone else, but didn't want to admit it to that person, or themselves, so started seeing someone else who liked them but they didn't really like how would you prove it?". He looked at us a bit blankly, sighed something about how duelling death-eaters would be less confusing, sat down, and asked us to explain it again. We decided to be incredibly clear so we put it in _very_ simple terms: "if A likes B, and B likes A, but A is in denial, and so starts seeing C, who likes A, but who's really in love with B, how would you get A to be honest with B and C so that A, B, and C could all be happy. Except C, although at least A would have been honest with them." We think Lupin is a bit under the weather though as he really didn't seem to understand at all, and he's been looking a bit naff as of late. After a bit more explanation he said that the only thing he could think of was using veritaserum, then hastily insisted that he would never condone us using such methods. He obviously hasn't got to know us at all.

So, that's the idea. Now all we have to do is work out how to drug Percy without him realising and then somehow get him to tell the truth to us, Penelope, and Oliver without flushing his life down the toilet --again--. Should be easy enough.

Fred and George

-

**Bîrlad**** Hospital, January 1994**

Dear Fred and George,

Tell Mum to stop complaining --and send me some money, I'm starving and these hospitals aren't cheap--. In case you are wondering why this letter is coming from an Institution of Health, don't panic. I'm only telling you this so Mum won't hate my job even more, but it wasn't even dragon related this time, I was startled --by a pigeon--, tripped over --my own feet-- some ill-placed object, and fell --down the stairs-- from a great height. I'm doing fine though and I only broke the one wrist so I can still write.

So you're planning on --poisoning-- drugging your own brother. Marvellous! If you do manage to get hold of some Veritaserum that is; short of stealing it from Snape's -- Personal Stash-- Potions Store you're going to be a bit hard done by. Or am I just giving you ideas now? Sometimes I wonder what became of my sanity... and I was so fond of it as well. As I seem to be sinking into the quagmire of deceit and subterfuge I'll let you know that Percy's favourite drink is tea, and he likes it black, which is fortunate as I've heard truth serums can react badly to lactose.

Oh Merlin, I'm evil.

Charlie


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

AN: I don't own or gain anything concerning the characters or original plot.

Sorry it's a bit late… I know I promised another few chapters but I have in fact now run out of time, energy, and ideas where as I can see a nice clean finish this way. I'm sorry; and I'm going to miss it too. Thank you for all of your lovely comments and support. *sniffles* . Enjoy.

Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 77696 . html

-

**Hogwarts, February 1994**

Dear Charlie,

A lot has been, well, occurring, since we last heard from you. While we were at home for Christmas Potter got given a Firebolt by someone, any way McGonagall --the old bat-- confiscated it because --she's sado-masochistic and wants her own House to fail-- she thought it might have been tampered with. Regardless, she returned it in time for our match against Ravenclaw, which we won, of course. Then the same night Ron --being the prat he is-- claimed to be attacked by Sirius Black in his bed and so we all had to sleep on the floor of the Main Hall until all the teachers were satisfied that --he was being daft-- that we were all safe. As if he couldn't be more annoying, Ron is now moping around after Hagrid's hippogriff which is going to be extradited or something equally as long and difficult to pronounce. But all of this is minor news compared to what we have to tell.

After a few --failed-- --disastrous-- unsuccessful attempts to get Veritaserum into Percy's tea (one of which resulted in a rather hilarious incident with a fourth year about his fear of yogurt) we came up with a rather decent idea. As you may recall, it was Valentine's Day last week. So when Percy got down to breakfast we told him that the meal set out for him opposite us was from Penny. Clever, eh? If he refused to eat or drink then we could threaten to tell her he didn't like her gift. We are masters of this deception malark. We weren't sure how long the potion would last so we'd set it all up to happen as soon as we left the Great Hall.

We'd --paid off-- enlisted the help of a Second Year, Garth, and --kidnapped-- encouraged Wood to meet us just outside the Hall. As soon as we were all assembled Garth got to work.

"Can I ask some advice Mr Weasley?" Percy looked like he'd been asked to cut off his head. "It's about love." Then he looked like he was being asked to help murder someone's owl. He asked the kid what he wanted to know while we kept Oliver distracted by retelling our fantastic beating last game. Eventually Garth got round to the best bits.  
"So you must really love Miss Clearwater?"

When Percy said no we all had a good stare, and he went the colour of Uncle Bilius' pea-soup.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm in love with someone else."

As soon as he said this he sort of went pale and said he was in a terrible hurry and that he wasn't the best person to ask. As he was dashing off he managed to run into Oliver, took one look at him, yelped, and ran off in the other direction. Wood looked at us, --failed to find the words -- couldn't express his gratitude as he was so happy. And then followed our brother.

Our work here is done.

Fred and George

-

**Bîrlad Hospital, February 1994**

Dear Fred and George,

I'm really not sure where to begin. Where did you get the Veritaserum? How did you get away with it? What happened next? Is poor Penelope okay? And when am I going to hear how the rest of my siblings are.

Merlin, my head hurts. I was in out-patients last week but then I started getting --faint-- dizzy and they sent me back here to the wards. It's terribly boring, and I can't understand a word anyone says but when Florin visited yesterday he told me that everything was fine and that I shouldn't worry and on no accounts ask anymore questions. I feel wonderfully reassured.

Well done in succeeding in further terrorising your siblings and class mates; you're doing a stellar job. It weren't for the illegality and moral vacancy --and the fact I can't stand up without everything going yellow and falling flat on my face-- --and that I now am in debt as I can't work but still have to pay for hospital bills-- I'd come and congratulate you in person.

Sorry this is cut short chaps, but my hand is sort of jumping now and I'm not sure the walls were that colour a few minutes ago so I'll be off.

Charlie

-

**Hogwarts, July 1994**

Dear Charlie,

Long time no speak, eh? We hope you got our card, sorry we haven't been in touch since… OWLS happened. We heard from Mum that you were out of the hospital and back with your --beasts-- dragons again so we thought we'd fill you in on what you'd missed. Who knew anyone could react that badly to painkillers?

Anyway, you'll be glad to hear all's well that ends well, except for Professor Lupin that is. You see, turns out he's a werewolf, so now he has to leave the school. But that's not important. First off, as far as we can tell Percy let down Penny gently before Garth, Oliver, or we let her in on the know. Then, after we won the Quidditch Final Oliver seemed more than happy – let's just say we're pretty sure Harry wasn't the only Gryffindor he hugged afterwards – and apparently he's got a place arranged on the Puddlemere United Reserve. Percy seems all the better for it as well. His NEWTs went by without a glitch and the other day we found him looking at a bus timetable; when we asked where he was planning on going he snatched it away but --I-- Fred distinctly saw the word Puddlemere across the top. --It's really quite sweet-- --Sorry, Fred has become a sentimental old git-- Who could have asked for a better result? --Well, Mum might when she sees our results--.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Fred and George

-

**Recovering With Reptiles, July 1994**

Dear Fred and George,

Good to hear from you two again, I did get your card thanks, it was very --bizarre-- thoughtful. I'm feeling much better, and much happier now I'm back with the dragons. I don't feel right when I'm away from them – anything could go wrong. When you're back home tell Mum thanks for the concern --although some cash would have been more useful--.

You lost _another_ DADA teacher? You do get through a few don't you? At least this time it had nothing to do with He Who Must Not Be Named, or Harry Potter. I was beginning to see a pattern developing.

I'm glad to hear that it's all come to a nice conclusion Percy-wise. I'll have to drop him a letter one of these days. And I'd already heard about Wood, as he'd owled me as soon as he'd got the result. Drink all around then.

Now, not to sound ungrateful lads but, seeing as how the Centre is still in a bit of disrepair and we're rather busy with the new Hatchlings, I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on, and I've only just been discharged we're going to be fairly busy from now on --possibly forever--. So you may not hear from me --again-- for a while. Thanks for the correspondence --and postage costs-- over the last few years, it's been nice to hear about things back home but now this Percy business is all tied up what's say we let happy Hippogriffs lie?

All the best.

Charlie

-

Fin.


End file.
